i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
