you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
