I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
