After last night, I could never be a politician.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
