I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
