i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
