Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
