just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
