I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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