come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
