hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
