the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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