Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
