turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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