Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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