I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
