I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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