I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
