Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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