Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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