I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
