Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
