She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
