My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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