wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
