Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
