I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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