Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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