Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
