i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
