Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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