If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
