Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
me + whiskey = a bad person
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
