we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
