apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
