Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
