And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
