I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The uberlube is also flammable
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
