im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
