At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
