She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
