She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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