If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
