you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
