that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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