jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Betty ford says i'm here all night
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
