A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
