Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
