my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
And then my night got REAL pukey
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
