I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
