a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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