she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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